isnâ€™t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.â€
I love the quote above. It could almost serve as an anthem for
life coachingâ€”but it also has special meaning for gay men. Coming out is an act
of creation. So is being true to who you are. Having the strength to own all
parts of you, despite the lack of acceptance that you may sometimes face, is
all about creating yourself and valuing your creation.
Sometimes men who start life coaching believe the process will
focus solely on uncovering and discovering who they are. But thereâ€™s so much
more to it than that. Discoveryâ€”or â€œfinding yourselfâ€â€”is often part of the
initial prep work you do with a life coach. This leg of the journey usually
involves the past, looking back to gain a sense of why you â€œare where you areâ€
in your life.
But then the real work of life coaching beginsâ€”the deep
creative work that is about changing your life rather than just understanding
it. Itâ€™s about becoming the man who you have the potential to be, rather than
simply processing whatâ€™s already happened.
How do you go about creating yourself as a gay man? Itâ€™s a
process that you work through in partnership with your life coach. Try some of
the following ideas when you feel ready, to help facilitate our journey
whatâ€™s true for you. Thereâ€™s so much advice now on every
possible subject, from every possible source, particularly online. But only
some of it will be right for you. As gay men, much of what we hear growing up
about what weâ€™re supposed to do and how weâ€™re supposed to feel doesnâ€™t fit with
us. It takes time to sort through the noise and become who you are inside.
A life coach can help guide you toward whatâ€™s true for you,
after youâ€™ve clearly identified it. But you must be the one to really feel that
truth, and act on your desire to expand on it.
â€œYour truthâ€ may sound like a vague concept, but what it means
is whatâ€™s uniquely and authentically you. Itâ€™s not what others want you to do,
or what you think you should do; itâ€™s who you are. Most of the men who I work
with have a clear sense of what their truth is, but many have a more difficult
time accepting all parts of it.
your comfort and happiness. When youâ€™re following your truth as a
gay man, life flows easily, time passes quickly, and you feel good. You may
still experience obstacles and face difficult encounters, but when youâ€™re
standing in your truth, itâ€™s worth the battle. Your truth may not be the
easiest path, or the one that brings you the most approval. Itâ€™s just the thing
that feels the most like you.
you know to grow. Another way to create yourself is to turn lessons youâ€™ve
learned the hard way into something better. Itâ€™s not enough to understand why
certain mistakes happenedâ€”kick it up a notch, and find ways to apply that
knowledge toward shaping your future decisions.
the creative process. Self-creation is like any other kind of
art. It needs certain circumstances to produce the best outcome. Determine what
you need to best make this happen. Give yourself quiet time, away from other
Donâ€™t over-schedule. Write in a journal. Be patient. Creating
yourself is a lifelong process, not something thatâ€™s finished in an afternoon.
Celebrate small victories as you move ever-closer to a more authentic you.